Post Natal Depression Awareness

Ok so on a bit of a different track to the whole studying theme, but I think this is extremely important to get out there!  Post natal depression is not stomething that new mothers (not meaning only first time mothers) should be ashamed of, it's something that is uncontrolable and we need to get the word out that it's ok to ask for help!

I have 4 kids, as you might have already read.  The first two I guess I handled things well, even though the first I had trouble breastfeeding and only lasted 7 weeks, the second one screamed the house down any time you put her down, that was to sleep or to pee or anything really, so surprisingly I made it through the first two fairly unscathed.  The third bub came along and I thought I was going fine, 3 kids is just hard work, and it takes a while to get used to right? Things didn't get better though and my friends online, from a mother's group I had joined, we all had bubs born in the same month, well these mums started to see that I was not handling things well at all, and I have never met these ladies in person at this time.  My mood must have transfered through my posts online and they were asking me how I was going and such questions to which I would always reply, yeah I'm going great thanks, how about you? I didn't realise that I was getting that bad that I didn't want to leave the house, even to go to playgroup which I had been attending for the 3 or 4 years before #3 came along, I didn't want to call anyone on the phone, even people I knew, eeven my own mother!  I just wanted to crawl in a hole and be forgotten about!  That didn't happen though and for some reason I mentioned to my friend who I saw every day, that my online friends were worried about me having PND, she picked up her phone straight away and got me in to see the dr that day! Such an amazing friend, and if not for everyone in my life at that time I doubt I would be where I am now.  So slowly (without medication or any help other than my friends to lean on) I slowly dragged myself out of the haze of PND.  Life was great!  I had decided to start uni, finally, I had a goal and it meant a life outside of the house! This was all great until a surprise came one morning.... yep #4 was on the way!

#4 was not a planned pregnancy, but loved all the same, even more now, well at times, lol she is 3!  But her arrival meant having to put off things I was looking forward to, call me selfish if you want, but eveyone needs something in their lives to look forward to!  So I put uni off for now, and through my whole pregnancy I had trouble connecting to my wiggly little squirt who was growing in my belly.  Many things attributed to that feeling and loss of connection with her, but I won't go into too much detail or this could get to be a long post!  So as time went on I accepted my pregnancy and never really connected as I did with the other 3 kids.  I waited for this little monster to arrive.  My hubby loved her at first sight of course, and she is daddy's little girl now, and I fell in love with her as soon as our eyes met, she was a perfect baby!  Fed well, slept well, everything that a baby should do she did,she was great!slide right into the family without anyone really noticing that there was an extra kid around.  Time went on and I started having bad feelings, my eldest had just started prep, and a newborn to drag to school pick up and drop off, 3 older kids fighting, me just struggling to get things done.  I felt like I had to do everything myself, usually that's how my life goes, I do everything and only have my husband to count on for help, if he's not working.  So I slowly felt myself being dragged down into a fog.  I didn't feel anything.... happy, sad... nothing, well except angry all the time, I would snap everyone's heads off if they even looked at me wrong!  I thought every time I left the house I was doing a great job of putting on a mask so no one could see how much I was falling apart and not being able to handle anything, house, kids, anything!  One day, one of the prep mums (bub was born in March, and school started at the end of Jan, so I didn't really know this lady) came up to me and asked me if I was ok.. not how I was going, but if I was OK!  That was the question that no one ever asked, that was the one that I couldn't lie about and say yeah I'm fine!  I burst into tears on this poor lady!  She could see me stuggling and wanted to help me.  I had a huge talk to her about everything and we became good friends, after a few weeks she saw I wasn't getting better and suggested I see the child health nurse, so off I go... yep they agreed I had PND again, oh I forgot to mention that before this I started having really bad thoughts about hurting myself or worse... I had to cross a bridge over a river every morning to take my boy to school, and all I could think was to drive infront of a bus or truck, or just right off the bridge... not a good time for me at all.  But after seeing the child health nurse, and her calling my dr for me and getting me in right then, I started to dig myself out of the fog and numbness again.  My darling husband stayed home for a week to help out with the kids, my mum came out to stay with us for that week as well, I started getting out of the house without most of the kids, just the baby in the pram and some lovely fresh air and if things got too much I asked for help!  I learnt this was the biggest thing for me, I needed to learn how to ask for help and accept that I wasn't able to do it all... I wasn't a supermum as I had been labeled for having 4 kids under the age of 6, and really I don't and didn't want to be a supermum, just a good mum!

All these labels make women think they aren't good enough, can't do it all, aren't a good mum, or whatever else... but you are good enough and you don't need to do it all!  You can ask for help and usually you will get it, even if like me it's from pretty much a stranger! Sometimes all we need is for someone to say it's ok, you don't need to do everything and be everything, just be the best you can and that's all you need to be!

So it's post natal depression awareness week,.... if you need help with PND or you think you know someone who might check out www.panda.org.au or come join the facebook page I started https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/274894545922609/  Everyone needs someone to talk to at times and it helps to know you aren't alone!