Wow I had pretty much forgotten about this blog, until someone asks if anyone had created one ... then I was like... 'oh yeah! I have one... let me find it!'
So I'm past the studying stage now and on to working.
So now that I have remembered my login details, I shall return to write about the end of uni and learning to juggle the work/mum life!
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Another Semerster is coming...
Another semester is drawing near and I think I have rejuvenated my batteries and am ready for a big stint of study, I am going to be doing 6 semesters straight with the minimal break in between each one, so wish me luck with my sanity! But for now I think I am ready to tackle the new semester! One thing that is bothering me is I am doing another clinical placement this semester, and this one is not a block, it's integrated, 2 days a week for 10 weeks, which would usually be an awesome thing for me to do what with 4 kids and a hubby to organise myself around, but my clinical placement is in the same town as my Uni, which is an hours drive each way! Not a big deal usually, but depending on which days I have to do for my clinical I may have to drive there 3 times a week! I'm praying that I can at least get 2 consecutive days, and it would be even better if I got them the 2 days after my day at uni... but guess I'll have to wait and see about that.
Right now I'm not too nervous about the clinical, but I know as times gets closer to actually do it I will be getting very anxious. I always stress about who will watch the kids if I get shifts while my hubby is working on his odd shifts, I stress about 'Can I actually do this?', this is my biggest problem! I have lots of self doubt even though I am doing well at uni and passing all my subjects, doing the hands on stuff with real patients where mistakes can be dangerous scares the crap out of me! So I try to not think about it until a few days before it has to happen so then I hopefully don't stress everyone else in my family out as well.
So back to tackling this semester... I am waiting for the uni to put up sem 1 subject so I can get myself organised with printing and what ever else needs to be done. I am all set for books and stuff, just waiting on some notes from a friend who has done one of my subjects already :) any bit of help is great I can tell you!
I have really missed doing uni this semester, but with everything that has been happening with my cute little family, I'm glad I didn't do any subjects because it would have gotten about 40% of my attention. Taking a break has given me the time to spend with my kids and have fun with them, which when I am studying over the Christmas semester, I usually am head down, bum up. So I have loved the chance to just go and do things with my family, like fishing at the last minute, or have a water fight in the yard, and just spend quality time with them in general. It really opens your eyes to how much you miss when you are studying once you take a break and look back on what you have done instead of being stuck to a textbook!
So I guess this will all be continued once I find out my days that I will have clinical... fingers crossed it's not a Monday, cause that would suck and I would need a babysitter for the night and someone to take kids to school the next day!
Keep watching lol this post wasn't very interesting but I'm glad I did it and can appreciate the time I have spent with my kids and hubby this Christmas :)
Right now I'm not too nervous about the clinical, but I know as times gets closer to actually do it I will be getting very anxious. I always stress about who will watch the kids if I get shifts while my hubby is working on his odd shifts, I stress about 'Can I actually do this?', this is my biggest problem! I have lots of self doubt even though I am doing well at uni and passing all my subjects, doing the hands on stuff with real patients where mistakes can be dangerous scares the crap out of me! So I try to not think about it until a few days before it has to happen so then I hopefully don't stress everyone else in my family out as well.
So back to tackling this semester... I am waiting for the uni to put up sem 1 subject so I can get myself organised with printing and what ever else needs to be done. I am all set for books and stuff, just waiting on some notes from a friend who has done one of my subjects already :) any bit of help is great I can tell you!
I have really missed doing uni this semester, but with everything that has been happening with my cute little family, I'm glad I didn't do any subjects because it would have gotten about 40% of my attention. Taking a break has given me the time to spend with my kids and have fun with them, which when I am studying over the Christmas semester, I usually am head down, bum up. So I have loved the chance to just go and do things with my family, like fishing at the last minute, or have a water fight in the yard, and just spend quality time with them in general. It really opens your eyes to how much you miss when you are studying once you take a break and look back on what you have done instead of being stuck to a textbook!
So I guess this will all be continued once I find out my days that I will have clinical... fingers crossed it's not a Monday, cause that would suck and I would need a babysitter for the night and someone to take kids to school the next day!
Keep watching lol this post wasn't very interesting but I'm glad I did it and can appreciate the time I have spent with my kids and hubby this Christmas :)
Sunday, November 25, 2012
The stresses of study and having a life
I'm loving my new found freedom from uni since the end of the semester and I have taken the summer semester off. I have so much more time to ignore... oops I mean to be with the kids! I did receive my results from semester 2 on Friday just gone, and though they were great results, lets just say I know I could have done better, considering my marks for the 2 assignments I had for research were nearly full marks! I had an exam for that subject, which I flunked.. 22/50, I was not impressed with my effort for this exam at all. I seem to set a very high standard that I expect myself to stick to, and I think cause I have been studying so long (the full 2 years without a break til now) I had just had enough and wasn't even trying any more.
For both subjects I did last semester I got B's for, and seriously B's are an awesome mark! I should be so excited that I have knocked down 2 more subjects and I passed them, but there is a little bit of disappointment there. Yes I didn't put the effort in that I should have, but life happened this semester! I had a trip to Tasmania to see my brother, his girlfriend and my gorgeous niece (who I had only met once before then, and she's nearly 3 now!), then got back from there to have 3 assignments due within 1 month of me getting home. I had done a heap of work on one (it was massive and worth 70% of the subject...yikes!) and that would have been fine, except the lecturers kept changing what they actually wanted from us for the assignment. That subject also included my first ever clinical placement! I have to say I LOVED it and learnt so much, I also found out that I learn better with hands on stuff than sitting at a desk, I already knew this, but I didn't realise how much hands on you needed for this. After my first 2 days of being scared shitless, I quickly fell into the routine at the old folks home and loved every minute! I was so sad when the last day came and I had to leave all my oldies, I cried as we walked away. It showed me how much I was born to do this job! I am getting my resume together so I can try to get a job (hopefully where I had my placement, but it's not likely) in the nursing field as an assistant in nursing. So for that subject I managed to get 74% in total... 1% under what you need for an A!!!! Yep I was fuming, if only I had put more effort in to the assignment I would have been right. But hey it's a pass! I have to keep telling myself that.
So the other bits of life that got in the way were that my hubby had to have a hip replacement (he's only 35), so the Friday before my exam for research (which I was slack with and didn't go to the tutes, nor did I listen to the lectures... yeah I made no effort at all this semester!) I had to get hubby to the hospital which is about 3hrs from our home. Then myself and the kids stayed there for the weekend, but before hubby came out, I had to take the kids back to my sister's place so I could do my exam on the Tuesday, then after the exam I left straight away to pick hubby up. The whole time I was at the coast going to see hubby in hospital and keeping the kids occupied, I had no internet access, and so I didn't study for the exam, which I now regret, but what can you do!? So anyway after the exam I head back to the coast to get hubby, pick him up and turn around and head for home, luckily I had my mum taking the kids back to our house cause they live an hour from us, so would have put even more time on my travel! I think I drove about 6 hrs that day, it took a few weeks to get over that.
Hubby is now on the road to recovery and can drive himself around now which is awesome! he may be going back to work in about 2 weeks time. I am enjoying my semester off, and slowly coming to terms with my bad marks (they seem that way to me... I just remembered part of the story I had forgotten, hubby asked me once I told him my grades, he goes... how come you only got B's? I thought you were doing better than that.. part of the reason I'm not happy about them, cause I feel like I let him down a bit, silly really cause I passed, that's all that counts!) and now I am looking forward to starting the semester next year fresh and ready to go! I am going to orgniase my time properly and do up a study timetable, I have another placement in first term, so I'll have to stay on top of things as I will be intergrated (2 days a week for 10 weeks) so have to make sure I set time aside for the kids and for study and assignments!
Wish me luck with that cause it's going to be a struggle!
The next post will be a bit more detail of my PND days... I feel I need to get it out so that I can deal with what happened, sorry if you don't really want to read it but I have found this very therapeutic.
For both subjects I did last semester I got B's for, and seriously B's are an awesome mark! I should be so excited that I have knocked down 2 more subjects and I passed them, but there is a little bit of disappointment there. Yes I didn't put the effort in that I should have, but life happened this semester! I had a trip to Tasmania to see my brother, his girlfriend and my gorgeous niece (who I had only met once before then, and she's nearly 3 now!), then got back from there to have 3 assignments due within 1 month of me getting home. I had done a heap of work on one (it was massive and worth 70% of the subject...yikes!) and that would have been fine, except the lecturers kept changing what they actually wanted from us for the assignment. That subject also included my first ever clinical placement! I have to say I LOVED it and learnt so much, I also found out that I learn better with hands on stuff than sitting at a desk, I already knew this, but I didn't realise how much hands on you needed for this. After my first 2 days of being scared shitless, I quickly fell into the routine at the old folks home and loved every minute! I was so sad when the last day came and I had to leave all my oldies, I cried as we walked away. It showed me how much I was born to do this job! I am getting my resume together so I can try to get a job (hopefully where I had my placement, but it's not likely) in the nursing field as an assistant in nursing. So for that subject I managed to get 74% in total... 1% under what you need for an A!!!! Yep I was fuming, if only I had put more effort in to the assignment I would have been right. But hey it's a pass! I have to keep telling myself that.
So the other bits of life that got in the way were that my hubby had to have a hip replacement (he's only 35), so the Friday before my exam for research (which I was slack with and didn't go to the tutes, nor did I listen to the lectures... yeah I made no effort at all this semester!) I had to get hubby to the hospital which is about 3hrs from our home. Then myself and the kids stayed there for the weekend, but before hubby came out, I had to take the kids back to my sister's place so I could do my exam on the Tuesday, then after the exam I left straight away to pick hubby up. The whole time I was at the coast going to see hubby in hospital and keeping the kids occupied, I had no internet access, and so I didn't study for the exam, which I now regret, but what can you do!? So anyway after the exam I head back to the coast to get hubby, pick him up and turn around and head for home, luckily I had my mum taking the kids back to our house cause they live an hour from us, so would have put even more time on my travel! I think I drove about 6 hrs that day, it took a few weeks to get over that.
Hubby is now on the road to recovery and can drive himself around now which is awesome! he may be going back to work in about 2 weeks time. I am enjoying my semester off, and slowly coming to terms with my bad marks (they seem that way to me... I just remembered part of the story I had forgotten, hubby asked me once I told him my grades, he goes... how come you only got B's? I thought you were doing better than that.. part of the reason I'm not happy about them, cause I feel like I let him down a bit, silly really cause I passed, that's all that counts!) and now I am looking forward to starting the semester next year fresh and ready to go! I am going to orgniase my time properly and do up a study timetable, I have another placement in first term, so I'll have to stay on top of things as I will be intergrated (2 days a week for 10 weeks) so have to make sure I set time aside for the kids and for study and assignments!
Wish me luck with that cause it's going to be a struggle!
The next post will be a bit more detail of my PND days... I feel I need to get it out so that I can deal with what happened, sorry if you don't really want to read it but I have found this very therapeutic.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Post Natal Depression Awareness
Ok so on a bit of a different track to the whole studying theme, but I think this is extremely important to get out there! Post natal depression is not stomething that new mothers (not meaning only first time mothers) should be ashamed of, it's something that is uncontrolable and we need to get the word out that it's ok to ask for help!
I have 4 kids, as you might have already read. The first two I guess I handled things well, even though the first I had trouble breastfeeding and only lasted 7 weeks, the second one screamed the house down any time you put her down, that was to sleep or to pee or anything really, so surprisingly I made it through the first two fairly unscathed. The third bub came along and I thought I was going fine, 3 kids is just hard work, and it takes a while to get used to right? Things didn't get better though and my friends online, from a mother's group I had joined, we all had bubs born in the same month, well these mums started to see that I was not handling things well at all, and I have never met these ladies in person at this time. My mood must have transfered through my posts online and they were asking me how I was going and such questions to which I would always reply, yeah I'm going great thanks, how about you? I didn't realise that I was getting that bad that I didn't want to leave the house, even to go to playgroup which I had been attending for the 3 or 4 years before #3 came along, I didn't want to call anyone on the phone, even people I knew, eeven my own mother! I just wanted to crawl in a hole and be forgotten about! That didn't happen though and for some reason I mentioned to my friend who I saw every day, that my online friends were worried about me having PND, she picked up her phone straight away and got me in to see the dr that day! Such an amazing friend, and if not for everyone in my life at that time I doubt I would be where I am now. So slowly (without medication or any help other than my friends to lean on) I slowly dragged myself out of the haze of PND. Life was great! I had decided to start uni, finally, I had a goal and it meant a life outside of the house! This was all great until a surprise came one morning.... yep #4 was on the way!
#4 was not a planned pregnancy, but loved all the same, even more now, well at times, lol she is 3! But her arrival meant having to put off things I was looking forward to, call me selfish if you want, but eveyone needs something in their lives to look forward to! So I put uni off for now, and through my whole pregnancy I had trouble connecting to my wiggly little squirt who was growing in my belly. Many things attributed to that feeling and loss of connection with her, but I won't go into too much detail or this could get to be a long post! So as time went on I accepted my pregnancy and never really connected as I did with the other 3 kids. I waited for this little monster to arrive. My hubby loved her at first sight of course, and she is daddy's little girl now, and I fell in love with her as soon as our eyes met, she was a perfect baby! Fed well, slept well, everything that a baby should do she did,she was great!slide right into the family without anyone really noticing that there was an extra kid around. Time went on and I started having bad feelings, my eldest had just started prep, and a newborn to drag to school pick up and drop off, 3 older kids fighting, me just struggling to get things done. I felt like I had to do everything myself, usually that's how my life goes, I do everything and only have my husband to count on for help, if he's not working. So I slowly felt myself being dragged down into a fog. I didn't feel anything.... happy, sad... nothing, well except angry all the time, I would snap everyone's heads off if they even looked at me wrong! I thought every time I left the house I was doing a great job of putting on a mask so no one could see how much I was falling apart and not being able to handle anything, house, kids, anything! One day, one of the prep mums (bub was born in March, and school started at the end of Jan, so I didn't really know this lady) came up to me and asked me if I was ok.. not how I was going, but if I was OK! That was the question that no one ever asked, that was the one that I couldn't lie about and say yeah I'm fine! I burst into tears on this poor lady! She could see me stuggling and wanted to help me. I had a huge talk to her about everything and we became good friends, after a few weeks she saw I wasn't getting better and suggested I see the child health nurse, so off I go... yep they agreed I had PND again, oh I forgot to mention that before this I started having really bad thoughts about hurting myself or worse... I had to cross a bridge over a river every morning to take my boy to school, and all I could think was to drive infront of a bus or truck, or just right off the bridge... not a good time for me at all. But after seeing the child health nurse, and her calling my dr for me and getting me in right then, I started to dig myself out of the fog and numbness again. My darling husband stayed home for a week to help out with the kids, my mum came out to stay with us for that week as well, I started getting out of the house without most of the kids, just the baby in the pram and some lovely fresh air and if things got too much I asked for help! I learnt this was the biggest thing for me, I needed to learn how to ask for help and accept that I wasn't able to do it all... I wasn't a supermum as I had been labeled for having 4 kids under the age of 6, and really I don't and didn't want to be a supermum, just a good mum!
All these labels make women think they aren't good enough, can't do it all, aren't a good mum, or whatever else... but you are good enough and you don't need to do it all! You can ask for help and usually you will get it, even if like me it's from pretty much a stranger! Sometimes all we need is for someone to say it's ok, you don't need to do everything and be everything, just be the best you can and that's all you need to be!
So it's post natal depression awareness week,.... if you need help with PND or you think you know someone who might check out www.panda.org.au or come join the facebook page I started https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/274894545922609/ Everyone needs someone to talk to at times and it helps to know you aren't alone!
I have 4 kids, as you might have already read. The first two I guess I handled things well, even though the first I had trouble breastfeeding and only lasted 7 weeks, the second one screamed the house down any time you put her down, that was to sleep or to pee or anything really, so surprisingly I made it through the first two fairly unscathed. The third bub came along and I thought I was going fine, 3 kids is just hard work, and it takes a while to get used to right? Things didn't get better though and my friends online, from a mother's group I had joined, we all had bubs born in the same month, well these mums started to see that I was not handling things well at all, and I have never met these ladies in person at this time. My mood must have transfered through my posts online and they were asking me how I was going and such questions to which I would always reply, yeah I'm going great thanks, how about you? I didn't realise that I was getting that bad that I didn't want to leave the house, even to go to playgroup which I had been attending for the 3 or 4 years before #3 came along, I didn't want to call anyone on the phone, even people I knew, eeven my own mother! I just wanted to crawl in a hole and be forgotten about! That didn't happen though and for some reason I mentioned to my friend who I saw every day, that my online friends were worried about me having PND, she picked up her phone straight away and got me in to see the dr that day! Such an amazing friend, and if not for everyone in my life at that time I doubt I would be where I am now. So slowly (without medication or any help other than my friends to lean on) I slowly dragged myself out of the haze of PND. Life was great! I had decided to start uni, finally, I had a goal and it meant a life outside of the house! This was all great until a surprise came one morning.... yep #4 was on the way!
#4 was not a planned pregnancy, but loved all the same, even more now, well at times, lol she is 3! But her arrival meant having to put off things I was looking forward to, call me selfish if you want, but eveyone needs something in their lives to look forward to! So I put uni off for now, and through my whole pregnancy I had trouble connecting to my wiggly little squirt who was growing in my belly. Many things attributed to that feeling and loss of connection with her, but I won't go into too much detail or this could get to be a long post! So as time went on I accepted my pregnancy and never really connected as I did with the other 3 kids. I waited for this little monster to arrive. My hubby loved her at first sight of course, and she is daddy's little girl now, and I fell in love with her as soon as our eyes met, she was a perfect baby! Fed well, slept well, everything that a baby should do she did,she was great!slide right into the family without anyone really noticing that there was an extra kid around. Time went on and I started having bad feelings, my eldest had just started prep, and a newborn to drag to school pick up and drop off, 3 older kids fighting, me just struggling to get things done. I felt like I had to do everything myself, usually that's how my life goes, I do everything and only have my husband to count on for help, if he's not working. So I slowly felt myself being dragged down into a fog. I didn't feel anything.... happy, sad... nothing, well except angry all the time, I would snap everyone's heads off if they even looked at me wrong! I thought every time I left the house I was doing a great job of putting on a mask so no one could see how much I was falling apart and not being able to handle anything, house, kids, anything! One day, one of the prep mums (bub was born in March, and school started at the end of Jan, so I didn't really know this lady) came up to me and asked me if I was ok.. not how I was going, but if I was OK! That was the question that no one ever asked, that was the one that I couldn't lie about and say yeah I'm fine! I burst into tears on this poor lady! She could see me stuggling and wanted to help me. I had a huge talk to her about everything and we became good friends, after a few weeks she saw I wasn't getting better and suggested I see the child health nurse, so off I go... yep they agreed I had PND again, oh I forgot to mention that before this I started having really bad thoughts about hurting myself or worse... I had to cross a bridge over a river every morning to take my boy to school, and all I could think was to drive infront of a bus or truck, or just right off the bridge... not a good time for me at all. But after seeing the child health nurse, and her calling my dr for me and getting me in right then, I started to dig myself out of the fog and numbness again. My darling husband stayed home for a week to help out with the kids, my mum came out to stay with us for that week as well, I started getting out of the house without most of the kids, just the baby in the pram and some lovely fresh air and if things got too much I asked for help! I learnt this was the biggest thing for me, I needed to learn how to ask for help and accept that I wasn't able to do it all... I wasn't a supermum as I had been labeled for having 4 kids under the age of 6, and really I don't and didn't want to be a supermum, just a good mum!
All these labels make women think they aren't good enough, can't do it all, aren't a good mum, or whatever else... but you are good enough and you don't need to do it all! You can ask for help and usually you will get it, even if like me it's from pretty much a stranger! Sometimes all we need is for someone to say it's ok, you don't need to do everything and be everything, just be the best you can and that's all you need to be!
So it's post natal depression awareness week,.... if you need help with PND or you think you know someone who might check out www.panda.org.au or come join the facebook page I started https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/274894545922609/ Everyone needs someone to talk to at times and it helps to know you aren't alone!
Monday, September 17, 2012
Studying and being a mum....
Everyone keeps asking me 'How do you do it?', 'Where do you find the time for study, and kids and hubby and everything else?', I guess I have never really thought about the answer to that! So by starting this blog I thought it might help me get down my thoughts about studying, so one day I can look back and be proud of the effort I put in during this time in my life. Hopefully one day I can show my kids this and they will understand how hard I worked to get through this to provide our family with a better future.
Ok, so I am a mum, as I have said, to 4 kiddies, A is 9, L is 7 very soon, M is 5 and C is 3. They are a bunch of crazy kids... take after me there I think! So life at home is busy in itself! Trying to keep 4 kids entertained and the house clean, then add study on top, and also a hubby around ... you can imagine it would be hectic at the best of times!
I am studying nursing, part-time, so it is going to take me 4 years to get my degree, but thankfully I am now half way through it! I am in the second semester of my second year. I have done all 3 semesters in both years, well going to do it this year as well, so I haven't as yet had a proper break from studying, but these are the sacrifices you make for a better life I guess. So far, I have achieved a HD, I think about 4 or 5 Distinctions and 2 B's as my marks for my subjects I have currently completed! This has involved dragging textbooks (mainly my anatomy and physiology one) to the kids school, swimming lessons, any spare second I have I am trying to catch up on something.
My house is a little neglected, but at least the kids aren't too worried about that. Niether is hubby too much which is good! He is an amazing, wonderful man, and without him I know this journey I am on would be all that much harder.
I do waste a fair bit of my time on facebook... oh dreaded facebook! but I find it helps me 'have a chat' to some friends, even if it's not a real chat, it helps me switch off from uni work when I need a break, like during an assignment.
So if you are wondering.... How can you do it? maybe you can read on and I'll try to keep you updated, you know, when I get spare time... lol I'm still trying to figure out when I actually have this, as I always have something to do, or something that I keep putting off cause I just want to sit for 5 mins and relax and watch some mind-numbing tv!
Ok, so I am a mum, as I have said, to 4 kiddies, A is 9, L is 7 very soon, M is 5 and C is 3. They are a bunch of crazy kids... take after me there I think! So life at home is busy in itself! Trying to keep 4 kids entertained and the house clean, then add study on top, and also a hubby around ... you can imagine it would be hectic at the best of times!
I am studying nursing, part-time, so it is going to take me 4 years to get my degree, but thankfully I am now half way through it! I am in the second semester of my second year. I have done all 3 semesters in both years, well going to do it this year as well, so I haven't as yet had a proper break from studying, but these are the sacrifices you make for a better life I guess. So far, I have achieved a HD, I think about 4 or 5 Distinctions and 2 B's as my marks for my subjects I have currently completed! This has involved dragging textbooks (mainly my anatomy and physiology one) to the kids school, swimming lessons, any spare second I have I am trying to catch up on something.
My house is a little neglected, but at least the kids aren't too worried about that. Niether is hubby too much which is good! He is an amazing, wonderful man, and without him I know this journey I am on would be all that much harder.
I do waste a fair bit of my time on facebook... oh dreaded facebook! but I find it helps me 'have a chat' to some friends, even if it's not a real chat, it helps me switch off from uni work when I need a break, like during an assignment.
So if you are wondering.... How can you do it? maybe you can read on and I'll try to keep you updated, you know, when I get spare time... lol I'm still trying to figure out when I actually have this, as I always have something to do, or something that I keep putting off cause I just want to sit for 5 mins and relax and watch some mind-numbing tv!
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